


The Night that You Left

by Suzukipot



Category: The Catcher in the Rye - J. D. Salinger
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canonical Character Death, Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 19:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3621564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suzukipot/pseuds/Suzukipot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holden tells of when his little brother Allie succumbed to Leukemia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Night that You Left

So I guess I should tell you about my brother Allie. So, like I told you before, I was thirteen when he died. Allie was about the nicest kid you ever did meet. I’m still surprised he never did get pissed and all, what with his red hair. 

So, anyway, I was thirteen when I heard that Allie had gotten Leukemia and I was still thirteen when he died. It was a real shame, it really was. I guess that whole crap about the good dying young is true. Anyway, I didn’t really know what to say about Allie having Leukemia. I didn’t even really know what it was and I don’t think the doctors did either. 

I think they were trying to explain it to me and my parents but I wasn’t listening. All I remember is being in the hospital and looking at Allie, who was in that goddamn hospital gown. He had this smile on his face but it wasn’t a normal smile. There wasn’t any light in his eyes and the corners of his mouth seemed sort of forced into being curved up. It was like he was faking being happy. 

It made my heart break. It really did. So we went back home. Things seemed to be going OK for a while. I mean, Allie tried acting all normal and all but you could tell he was faking it. 

He still laughed at stuff, but he wasn’t laughing like he used to. To be honest, the only thing that didn’t seem to change was how nice Allie was being. In fact, he just seemed to get nicer, if you can imagine that. He was helping out mom and dad more and he was talking to D.B, Phoebe and me a lot more. 

It was almost kinda like he knew. It broke my heart. So one night Allie knocked on my door. 

“Come on in.”

The door creaked and a tiny little body sorta shuffled in. Allie had on his swellest pajamas. They were a real dark blue with little planets and stars all over them. His eyes were all big and he looked like he was about to cry at any moment. 

“Allie? What a ya want?”

“Holden...I...can we talk?”

I wondered what the hell Allie wanted to talk about but I nodded and sat up anyway. Allie say down next to me on the bed and then he said in a sorta trembling voice, “Holden...I....I love you.”

I sorta froze. I didn’t know what to say or do or act or goddamn anything. I was frozen and not crying or anything but my goddamn voice cracked anyway. 

“Love you too Allie.”

He crawled up into my lap and hugged me real tight and I hugged him back. It looked like something out of the damn picture shows. It really did. He left and I think he went to D.B.’s room next because there was suddenly a light on in his room. 

I had real bad nightmares that night. I couldn’t sleep at all so I felt real tired the next day. That day my mom and dad came into my room and told me that Allie had died in his sleep. They said he went peaceful and that he looked all peaceful-like but I didn’t believe them. 

There was no goddamn way someone could look that peaceful going through what Allie did. My throat got all tight and little tears started forming. I clenched my fists and grabbed my bedsheets. Then, I don’t know why, I went from being sad as all hell to being mad as a sonuvabitch. 

I got up, stormed past my parents, and went to the garage. I don’t know why the garage. It was just the first place I thought of. I’ll tell you what I did, what I did was punch a hole straight through the window with my right fist. At first I was just breathing real hard and then I punched the next window, and the next one and the one after that until all the windows were broken. 

And then I realized my hand was all busted up from hell and back. You should have seen it! My fingers were all purple with little bits of glass in them. They were all fat and swollen too. 

I was still awful angry though, despite the pain and all so I tried to punch my dad’s car. Couldn’t do it though, what with my hand all busted up. So I sorta just collapsed onto the floor. I didn’t cry but I wiped at my face with the back of my good hand and realized it was all wet and snot covered. 

I fell back and looked at the ceiling. There was goddamn glass everywhere and my hand was thumping with pain. I sorta groaned and shut my eyes real tight. I ended up falling asleep in the goddamn garage. 

The next day, when my parents saw my hand and all, they took me to the hospital. They also had Allie’s funeral. I didn’t go though because of, you know, my goddamn hand and all. I don’t really think I missed much though.

They probably gave him a bunch of flowers.


End file.
